How much do you tell your wife about your job as a private investigator or even a security guard since there is a ton of confidential information in your daily life?

I mean, it’s a small world. Secrets can get out. People can be hurt. Lives can be ruined. Where do you draw the line? You should be able to trust your wife with anything, right?

Not that your wife cares.

And when I say “wife”, I mean “spouse”, obviously. There are phenomenally great women working in this industry, but they’ve got somebody at home too.

So, how much do you share?

My view on this has changed quite a bit over the years.

When I would do something at work, even working in security, but also as a private investigator or in loss prevention, I would come home and want to share this. I was very pleased with it and proud of it. I wanted her to know. I wanted to genuinely share it, but it was also the type of thing that made me feel pretty darn good to be the kind of guy who could do this or that, whatever the problem might be, knowing that I had taken care of it.

Pride

Now, the problem is that can really give you an ego.

If you’re doing something that is pretty cool, and I mean the type of stuff that people watch in movies, and you’re doing it in real life – maybe not regularly, but certainly every so often, then coming home and having your wife admiring what you did, well, that can give you a pretty swollen head.

That can lead to a lot of pride, which for me, was a real problem. I don’t mean pride like, “I’m better than everybody else.” or “They should move me to the front of the line. It was much more insidious than that.

The problem is it would come out at me in bursts of temper. I would think, “Who does that guy think he is? I’ve got to say something so he knows he’s not better than everybody else!”

For me personally, getting a handle on that anger meant getting a handle on the pride.

I mean, I’m not better than anybody else. I’m not better than that guy. Not really.

The Antidote

A good antidote to any sin – and pride is one of the deadly sins (it’s the root of deadly sins, really, that the others come from) – is to practice the contrary virtue.

If you’re having trouble with lust, practice chastity.

If you’re having problems with greed, practice generosity.

The contrary virtue to pride is humility. Be humble.

So at work I would do these cool things and I would want to come home and, maybe not necessarily boast, but it felt good to say, “I’m the guy that handled this when nobody else could.”

So, for a long time, in order to practice humility, I didn’t share these things with my wife. I would keep them to myself. I wouldn’t even talk about them with other people. I was practicing being humble.

But Something Changed…

My view on this has changed because of something I read in John C. Maxwell’s book Today Matters.

Maxwell had similar things happen. He would have victories in his line of work, and he would share them with the people at work. Or he would share it whit whomever he was having lunch with. But, he realized, by the time he got home, the excitement was gone. He just didn’t have that enthusiasm to share it with his wife.

He wasn’t sharing enough with her.

He decided that he would keep some victories to himself in order to bring them home and share them, initially, with his wife so they could enjoy it together.

That’s what I do now.

I don’t share every time I do something “movie cool” because I don’t want to feed my ego. But now I share with my wife what happened, while concealing the confidential details (like names, locations, etc.).

I’m also very careful that I don’t make myself out to be any better than I am. If I had a misstep or miscalled something, if there was a mistake, I make sure to include that in.

So I share most of my victories with my wife. And I encourage you to do the same.

Confidential Information

So what about confidential information?

First of all, she doesn’t care.

There’s been maybe two times in my decades I’ve been in this industry when she’s asked for some details that I couldn’t share.

I would ask her, “Do you really want to know?” If she said yes, I would say, “Do me a favor. Sleep on it. If you still really need to know in the morning, I’ll tell you.” But, it’s never happened. She’s very good at understanding that.

She understands if I’m going to keep their secrets, I’m going to keep her secrets as well.

You need to be a person of integrity. You need to keep confidences and secrets as appropriate.

So, whether you’re working as a private investigator, loss prevention officer or you’re one of my brothers or sisters in security, you’re going to have some cool things happen in the course of your day, week, or month.

Use it as an opportunity to keep your marriage strong. That’s your primary relationship. You have to keep that strong.

As always…

Do the right thing, even if it’s the hard thing.

Committed to your success,
Larry Kaye, P.I.

P.S. – And, of course, don’t miss my special report titled… If You Want To be a Private Investigator Give Up… Unless You Do These Three Things. You can get it right here…

It tickles me, to share with you this little dirty trick that comes straight out of my book 51 Dirty Tricks Bad Guys Really Hate: Sneaky Tactics used by Police, Private Investigators and Bounty Hunters and while it’s an oldie, it’s a goodie using license plate traces to stop prostitution in a neighborhood back when license plate information was still public record.

However, this still works today if you have legitimate access to license plate information.

This tickles me for two reasons.

One, I’ve been sharing a lot recently with you about public records, how to use them, and how valuable they are. About how they can move you forward when any other investigator gets stuck on a case – if you know how to use them.

And two, although it’s unfortunate, there is a twist at the end of this lesson.

Here’s the story…

A neighborhood had a real problem with prostitution. There was a lot of prostitution in the neighborhood.

That’s something that a community can really struggle with because there’s not a really good, cost effective solution. I mean you have this double edged sword of trying to stop humans from having sex and solving the problem of drug addictions!

The Solution

However they came up with a super clever and simple solution.

They would write down the license plate numbers of the “Johns” (the customers) that were coming and picking up the girls. Then, they had postcards made up that said:

Warning!

The car with license plate #: ______________ was seen at (date and time) in a high prostitution and crime area. Be advised this is a neighborhood with a lot of prostitution and drug use.

Then they would go to the Department of Motor Vehicles, make a cheap and easy public records request and get the “abstract of registration” of the vehicle. That means they got the name of who it was registered to and their address.

Then they filled out the blank spaces on the post card and mail to the address the vehicle was registered to.

Think about how effective this is!

The “John” might intercept the postcard, and maybe it was even better if he did, because he immediately thinks, “What if my wife had found this? What if my mom found this? What if other people who lived here found this?”

It had his license plate number so his wife knows it was his car.

It had the date and time he was picking up a prostitute so his wife says. “Wait a minute. You said you worked late that night.” or “You said you were getting together wit your buddy to work on the car.” or whatever.

It’s a very effective deterrent!

As soon as the “customers” got those postcards, they stopped coming back.

The neighborhood attacked the problem from the “demand” side, rather than targeting the prostitutes (the “supply” side).

After all, the prostitutes have addictions. Let’s face it. They’re on the street because of drugs. They’re not going to stop soliciting because of “another” arrest. They need their dope. They’re going to be out there turning tricks. It’s unfortunate. It’s terrible. But, for the neighborhood, trying to battle an addictions is much more difficult than just scaring a guy off because he thinks it’s more likely he’ll get caught! What a wonderful solution to this problem.

The Governor’s Office

This was such an effective solution that the governor’s office actually issued a Commendation to this neighborhood, essentially saying, “Good job! This is an excellent model. This is the type of thing we’re talking about. You got good results for very little money. Great job!”

The Twist: The Hammer Drops

However, the very next year, the Federal Driver’s Privacy Protection Act kicked in and license plate information was no longer public record. It is now considered confidential information and no longer public record.

The irony is, the government said, “Good job citizens! This is a great way to handle this problem! Now stop it.”

Let me know what you think about this!

In the meantime, remember: Do the right thing, even if it’s the hard thing.

Committed to your success,
Larry Kaye, P.I.

P.S. – And, of course, don’t miss my special report titled… If You Want To be a Private Investigator Give Up… Unless You Do These Three Things. You can get it right here…

Part 2 of my investigative deep-dive into sources and methods that are completely OSINT is only available in my Public Records Mini-Course.

In it I teach you how to use criminal public records to do a public records search as I take you step-by-step on a criminal background check of an unfortunate woman who’s addition appears to have driven her into a life of theft, prostitution and more.

In this case we turn just a name into a full narrative report of exactly what happened including some address history on the suspect, known associates and even her street name.

As we look at this woman’s life, please keep in mind a quote from the EXCELLENT book Saint John Paul The Great: His Five Loves by Jason Evert, “.. authentic love is pure, and always leads others to the source of love, which is God himself.” (on page 97).

This totally free method I teach can be used for a personal background check as well as for a professional deep-dive.

Although you may have to go to the courthouse in your county to do this, today’s example uses all online criminal records.

As this investigation unfolds we get a look behind the scenes into how the police operate two different undercover prostitution sting operations and the two very different outcomes!

This is Part 2 of a two part Private Investigator Tutorial. Be sure to check out Part 1 while it remains available for free as my gift to you!

Part 2 (this video) is only available in my Public Records Mini-Course. (That course was invitation only for years, but is now expanded and open to the public!)

Committed to your success,
Larry Kaye, P.I.

P.S. – Learn more at PrivateInvestigatorTutorials.com

This week is Part 1 of an investigative deep-dive into sources and methods that are completely OSINT (no paid or restricted database services) to look at criminal public records and how to do a public records search as I take you step-by-step on a criminal background check on an unfortunate woman who’s addition appears to have driven her into a life of theft, prostitution and more.

As we look at this woman’s life, please keep in mind a quote from the EXCELLENT book Saint John Paul The Great: His Five Loves by Jason Evert, “.. authentic love is pure, and always leads others to the source of love, which is God himself.” (on page 97).

This totally free method I teach can be used of a personal background check as well as for a professional deep-dive.

Although you may have to go to the courthouse in your county to do this, today’s example uses all online criminal records.

This is Part 1 of a two part Private Investigator Tutorial.

Next week I’ll post Part 2, but it’s my intention to eventually place Part 2 into my paid Public Records Mini-Course. (UPDATE: That course is now open to the public!).

As this investigation unfolds, also not the look behind the scenes into how the police operate and pursue a conviction!

Let me tack you step-by-step into all the details you can find starting with no more than a name!

In this case we turn just a name into a full narrative report of exactly what happened including some address history on the suspect, known associates and even her street name.

This is something I should really place in one of my paid courses, but here it is, my gift to you.

Enjoy!

Committed to your success,
Larry Kaye,
Private Investigator (Ret.) &
#1 Best Selling Author

P.S. – And, of course, don’t miss my special report titled… If You Want To be a Private Investigator Give Up… Unless You Do These Three Things. You can get it right here…